Marta Fisch Auckland Therapist

Moving on from old relationships

In counselling, painful relationships with parents and siblings, as well as extended family, often come up. Resentments, abuses, betrayal, abandonment, are not uncommon, and in counselling it’s healthy for them to emerge so that they can be seen and healed within a healthy therapeutic relationship.
But what about outside that warm cocoon of the counselling room? Painful memories that come up in counselling can make it very stressful to interact with our family members while in counselling. Some counsellors urge clients to raise these issues with family, some leave it up to the client to decide. Here is one example to guide your choice:
– Determine what you want to get out of any sharing with family. Determine what unmet needs might be met, realistically, by a family member. For example, if your father was absent for all or part of your childhood, ascertain whether he’s capable of an authentic relationship now. Look at his other relationships for clues. One of my client’s step-sisters set up a meeting between her and her father. She was cautiously optimistic. We talked in counselling about how she could keep herself safe by paying attention to how he relates to her. He didn’t ask her about herself, nor shared on a meaningful level. She felt dissatisfied and uninspired. She came away from the visit with an updated understanding of him, and therefore needn’t keep high hopes alive for a closer relationship. This was a relief to her and helped her move on, especially in regards to men.

Let's talk. How to contact me:

Marta Fish - Counsellor

(All conversations are private and confidential.)

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New: Skype Sessions

Some of my clients have chosen to occasionally use Skype for our sessions. They choose this if they have young children and it's hard to leave home, if their work schedule doesn't allow them time during the day for an appointment, or if they know they'd prefer to be in the comfort of their home or designated, private space to process their healing.

To learn more if this would be ideal for you, I encourage you to contact me.