The New Zealand Herald interviewed me this week in the wake of the disclosure of Auckland Mayor Len Brown’s extra-marital affair. Here are some excerpts:

Speaking generally, Ms Fisch said honesty and taking responsibility is the best method of working through the shock and betrayal of an affair, particularly if you are trying to keep the family together.

“There are inevitably ruptures in a relationship, it’s how someone takes the responsibility of their own actions to repair it that can lead to, not only repair, but deepening [the strength] of the relationship,” she said.
Both partners need to be honest and the betrayed spouse needs to be able to vent their hurt and anger in a non-violent way, she said.

Ms Fisch said it was “crucial” for the partner who has cheated to take responsibility for their actions, and admit they were wrong, for the rest of the family to deal with the issue. Forgiveness would be difficult without it.

“I think forgiveness comes when there’s accountability,” she said.